


The Blame Game

by inlovewithimpossibility



Series: cerys' s8 episode codas [4]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Mia and William and Connor Are Very Overwhelmed, Post-Episode: s08e03 Leap of Faith, Queen-Smoak Family Feels, discussion of minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-30
Updated: 2019-10-30
Packaged: 2021-01-13 07:44:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21240626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inlovewithimpossibility/pseuds/inlovewithimpossibility
Summary: After they recover from their sudden appearance in the past, what's left of FTA still need to deal with what happened before they left. Mia and Connor both seek a moment of peace and Mia's brother and father are the guiding hand she needs as she feels like she's drowning.





	The Blame Game

**Author's Note:**

> This is a mess. But I am a mess after that episode. I decided against writing the scene immediately following the end of 8x03 (I'm sure others will do it far better than I ever could) so here's a little FTA Queen-Smoak family feels anecdote for you all set in the time after.

This is all too much for Mia.

The sight of her father in front of her, looking at her in utter confusion but also such _love. _

She never imagined she’d get to look upon his face, to see the face she’s memorised from the few photos her mom kept scattered around the house. Mia had never been kept from the image of her father but she grew to understand that it was too painful for her mother to have his likeness everywhere she turned.

Having looked at him now, she feels like she knows every detail and that she’s an utter novice at the same time. There’s so much she could never have learned from the photos.

Then there’s the whole idea that they’re actually in the past. It seems like some bad prank that someone stole from the plot of her mom’s bad old sci-fi shows she used to make Mia watch. Baffling is the only way to describe 2019 but there’s so much else for Mia to process that she hasn’t even really been able to think about it yet.

And everything else means…

_Zoe. _

Mia couldn’t tell you what’s happened over the last hour but it’s somehow all of her worst fears and biggest dreams rolled into one. In the space of just over 60 minutes, she’s held a teammate as she died in her arms and felt her father’s arms around her for the first time she can remember.

William once told her that she’s the epitome of fight or flight and when she can’t fight, Mia will always run.

And that’s what she does the first opportunity she gets.

The bunker is still the same setup, even if the tech in it looks old enough to be classed as prehistoric, and she knows her way out to the garage entrance that contains none of the vines and overgrown madness that it does in 2040.

Mia is, however, not expecting to find Connor there.

Connor, looking much like she feels, slumped against the wall with his head in his hands.

He may not have dealt with meeting the father he never knew in the past hour but Mia knows Connor’s going through it as well. With _Zoe, _plus the fact that his adoptive father is not even aware of their connection…

The three of them, William included, haven’t had a chance to regroup and it shows.

Connor looks up when Mia slides down next to him on the floor, the leather of her jacket brushing against his arm. His brow furrows deeply, looking at her with utter confusion on his face and Mia tries her best at a comforting smile but she doesn’t quite manage it.

“What are you doing out here?” Connor asks her, his voice gruff with emotion and Mia scoffs, settling back against the wall and ignoring the way her muscles groan in protest.

“Funny, was going to ask you the same thing.” She tells him but he still looks at her with that same expression.

“Isn’t this all you’ve ever wanted. Why aren’t you in there?” He questions her further and Mia takes a deep breath, shaking her head.

“Not like this. I never wanted…” She starts and her voice catches in her throat. Connor also looks away and Mia can tell that he’s blinking back tears. She takes a deep breath and decides to head down the other route that, despite also being an absolute mess, feels safer right now. “William’s with him. They deserve a moment alone. I think he’s got a few more questions than me.”

She bites her lip through her explanation, trying to hold back just how emotional she is about all this. If she admits it, she’ll break down and they just can’t afford that right now.

“You know you deserve answers as well? No matter if he can’t answer them. You still have the right to ask.” Connor tells her and Mia huffs.

She sat down to try and make him feel better, not the other way around.

“Why is it that it always ends up you giving me advice?” She questions with a raised eyebrow and Connor _finally _chuckles with a quirk of his lips.

“Maybe I’m just far wiser than you are, Troublemaker.” He tries to smirk but it doesn’t quite land. Mia ignores it, however, and narrows her eyes in what she hopes comes across as a joking manner.

“Watch it.” She tells him and she holds his gaze for a moment, the starts of smiles coming across both of their faces but just as quickly as it happens, it disappears. Connor looks down towards his feet and Mia sighs, wrapping her arms around her knees as she rests her head atop her knees.

God, what she wouldn’t give to have her mother here right now, to feel her warm gaze and smile, her comforting embrace. She feels terrible, to be faced with her father who she’s always said it was her absolute dream to meet, but all she wants is the comfort and familiarity of her mother. 

“Mia?” Connor asks and it’s then that Mia realises she has started crying again, the tears streaking down her face.

“You’re right, this is all I’ve ever wanted but the idea of this happening after Zoe…” The words bubble out of her, forcing her to gasp in air heavily to combat the sobs that are threatening to escape her throat.

“Hey, what happened was not your fault.” Connor’s voice tells her reassuringly as he scoots ever so slightly closer to her but Mia scoffs, using the back of her hand to wipe her tears.

“Oh really? Then who’s fault is it? Was it you who made her go out on the mission after she told you it was a bad idea? She told me I was thinking with my heart and not my head and I didn’t listen to her, and now…” Mia shakes her head, unable to finish her sentence. She can’t believe she allowed herself to get distracted, to let someone down like she did tonight.

This is why she fights alone. If you have no one with you to lose, you don’t have to face the inevitable pain of losing them.

“Hey, this is on me, Mia. JJ is my brother and he’s the one who…”

Mia’s head whirls up at Connor’s words. How can he even begin to think that what happened was his fault? It’s so clear to Mia that this is on her. She lead them into this mission, it was Mia who couldn’t take down JJ on her own and made Zoe get involved.

If only she fought better, been quicker, thought smarter…

“Don’t even finish that sentence, Connor. This isn’t on you. You were just doing what I asked.” She tells him vehemently, looking up at him through her own blurred vision. They’ve been given no time to think, no time to grieve, and the tear tracks are hardening on Mia’s face only to be softened by yet another round of tears.

It’s possible she’s cried more in the past hour or so than she has in the last six months.

Connor looks how she feels. He’s crying again, his face marred with the tear tracks of earlier, and his eyes are getting bloodshot.

“But we wouldn’t have even been in that situation if…” Connor shakes his head but Mia interrupts him again before he can finish his sentence.

“Connor, we’ve been through this. His actions are not your responsibilities. It was my actions that put Zoe in the line of fire. I was so wrapped up in my head about William that I couldn’t see that it was a stupid plan in the first place.”

Mia can’t see Connor particularly well through her tears but she knows him and she knows the way that his head has tilted to the side is him sending her a judgemental look. It’s the one he gives her when he knows she knows that she’s being pig-headed but she’s not budging on this.

Zoe’s death is on her. She couldn’t protect her team, couldn’t lead them, and here they are now, faced with her father and his well-oiled machine of a team. Her father is a hero and he already knows how much of a failure she is.

“Zoe knew that. She should have been team leader. But now she’s gone.” Mia adds, the words sinking in as she finally speaks them.

Zoe is dead. She’s gone. JJ killed her.

Mia can’t fathom it. What will she do without the older girl’s unwavering sensible thinking and level head. Zoe keeps her steady and gives her someone to play off when she wants that but that just…

It won’t be there anymore.

Connor stays silent but Mia is hyperaware of his presence next to her, the tears also streaking down his face.

Her shoulders harden at the sound of footsteps but when the figure of her brother appears in the doorway, she slumps in relief. William isn’t someone she needs to put a brave face on for. It’s not her father who is looking at her for echoes of the baby he left behind, or Connor’s dad who she can tell is viewing her as a ghost of her mother, or the presence of Rene or Dinah, the former of which Mia is hyperaware is the father of the friend they just…

William is safe. William is home.

Just like Connor.

“Hey, what are you two…? Oh good, is this a pity party I can join?” William’s voice is a soothing balm and Mia doesn’t enjoy the way she leans into him. That means she’s grown reliant on him.

She’s only been reliant on one other person and she left.

William doesn’t acknowledge that he’s noticed her weight apart from the slightest shift of his own back against her. It’s nice, she likes it. 

“You’re both blaming yourselves, aren’t you?” William’s voice sounds out and Mia sighs, shaking her head.

“William…” She starts but is interrupted by William’s scoff.

“Oh, I know that tone. We’re talking about it, Mia. You too, Connor.” He tells them with a fierce determination to his voice. He’s obviously still very upset himself, his voice isn’t as strong as he’s perhaps like it to be, but it does the job and Mia sits up.

“William…” It’s Connor this time who tries to protest, his voice cracking on the second syllable of Mia’s brother’s name.

“No. This wasn’t anyone’s fault but JJ’s.” William states, his voice growing stronger as he looks at them both, leaning forward to look at Connor over Mia’s knees.

“But if I had just…”

“We wouldn’t have been…”

Mia and Connor stop, having spoken simultaneously. Mia really doesn’t appreciate the knowing look on her brother’s face. It indicates how well he knows her and Mia really hates being predictable.

“Hey, look at me, the plan was working, JJ just got the upper hand.” William’s voice is softer and Mia frowns as she looks down at her knees, stubbornly refusing his request. It seems that William is insistent on this, however, as his hand gently tugs and forces her to face him. He’s looking at her in sympathy but Mia is glad to find no pity in his eyes.

He should be angry at her, though.

She’s the reason his friend is dead. She’s the reason he had to lie to said friend’s father now that they’ve travelled back in time.

“And I should have known that. She never should have been there in the…” Mia starts but William shakes his head, silencing her.

“Mia.” He smiles sadly and as his arms wrap around her and pull her into a hug, Mia feels the sob rip its way through her throat. It’s an almost inhuman sound and it bounces around the almost empty garage at a surprising volume.

There’s no stopping her then. Everything from today just comes rushing back and she’s shaking in William’s arms. The pain of the fight, the heartache of holding Zoe as she slowly fell away, and the utter elated devastation at the sight of her father…

She sobs everything out.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there, finally allowing herself to relax in the safety of William’s arms and the feeling of Connor leaning into her back.

“Hey, whoa, what’s going on in here? Mia? Are you okay?”

Mia jolts at the sound of her father’s voice and she can’t bear to look at his face, to see his concern. She desperately wants it but she knows she doesn’t deserve it, not right now.

“It’s… something happened, before we got brought here. Right before.” William answers for her as he looks over at their father. He manages a small smile but it obviously does nothing to reassure Oliver as he stares at Mia with concern.

“Something to do with that cut on your neck? That’s why I came looking for you, I’ve had John set up the medical table.” He explains, his eyes flicking between the three of them with a deep frown.

“I…” Mia tries but her voice catches again and another loud sob stops her from getting it out.

“It wasn’t Mia. Well, it was Mia but Mia’s okay and it definitely wasn’t her fault but our other teammate, she…” William starts but it appears, despite his bravado, he also cannot say the words aloud. His voice catches and Mia looks up at him to see him crying as well.

“Oh.” Oliver frowns, obviously very confused as to what his next move should be.

“Yeah.”

“Hey, c’mere.” Their father finally moves, stepping out of the doorway and into the garage properly. It takes Mia a moment to realise that he’s talking to her and she immediately frowns, the idea of moving unfathomable right now.

“No, I…” She starts but it appears that all her family wish to do is interrupt her right now.

“Mia… Do I need to put my foot down?” Oliver questions and Mia frowns, utterly confused as to how she’s supposed to react to that. She’s never been disciplined in that way. The man in front of her wasn’t there and her mom always took a far more pragmatic approach.

“Dad, that didn’t work when I was a teenager, you really think that’s going to work on her now? She’s far more pig-headed than I ever was.” William explains, chuckling morosely and Mia wishes she wasn’t so emotional because he deserves a glare for that.

“Then I do not envy your poor mother.” Oliver replies, looking over at his son with an amused smirk. “Honey, please come here. Connor, you too.”

“I don’t…” Connor tries but Oliver shakes his head.

“Now.” He tells them determinedly and Mia sighs, allowing William to help her up just this once. She shares a glance with Connor, hoping that she can let him know that none of her blame is on him, and he manages a small smile as they trudge across the small space. As her father levels them both with a look, Mia realises that she hasn’t felt this much like a child in a long time.

Oliver smiles at them both, reaching forward as if to grasp Mia’s hand but Mia cannot take that right now. Luckily, he doesn’t appear too put out when she ignores it.

“Listen to me, there are things you could have done differently but you can do things differently every day. Sometimes, things just don’t go your way. That might mean you get a nasty cut or it might be something far more fatal. But it doesn’t mean that you have failed… ever. It is not your fault. You did what you did because at that time, in your heart, you thought it was right. I know that you are incredible heroes, both of you.”

Her father’s words are somehow too much and everything she needs to hear right now. She didn’t need someone else to take the blame like Connor had and, whilst William’s approach of just letting her cry had helped, it didn’t force her to face her own actions in the way that her father’s words do.

She did think she was doing the right thing and that’s all she can do out in the field. She needs her instincts, they’ve kept her alive this long, and whilst she needs to learn from what went wrong on the mission, she needs to allow herself to clarify what that is.

Instead of allowing her guilt to consume her as it is now.

“You’ve never even seen me fight.” Mia scoffs indignantly, unsurprised that she found her voice to be obtuse. Her father is obviously thinking the same thing as he chuckles, shaking his head.

“No, but you have impeccable genetics, baby girl.” He tells her with a small smile and Mia frowns, the words reminding her of her mother a little _too _much. “C’mere. William, hug your friend.”

Her father’s arms are like her brother’s but better. She’s unsure if she’s ever felt so _safe _in a hug. She can’t believe that she’s missed out on this for so long but she supposes she should just be grateful for the fact that she has it now. She burrows into that safe feeling, aware that it could be ripped away as quickly as it was given, and holds tight to her father.

This is all too much for Mia but surrounded by her family and the people she loves, she thinks she might just be able to get through it.


End file.
